The Long and Winding Road, pt.14

I have to admit, I haven’t been good about doing the work I need to do this week. Yet, at the same time, I feel like I’ve mentally processed more.

I think that having to deal with the fact that my mother is friends with the person who beat me makes it so I almost have to deal with it. Granted, I’m no longer living at home. It doesn’t mean that I won’t visit and hear her talking to me about this person… this person I want nothing to do with.

I still need to discuss boundaries with my mom, especially where this lady is concerned. Hearing about her makes me angry. I feel hurt and betrayed because my mom wants to be friends with her even though I’ve been through a personal hell because of her. She likes to laugh it off like it’s nothing… but it’s something.

I guess what I don’t get is how she’s being so permissive about the physical abuse that I took like when she was talking about my mouth being duct taped shut. I know that she might not know how to emotionally deal with it, but seriously… it’s not funny. That reaction hurt me more.

Like, would you be laughing if it were you? Would you be as willing to forgive if it were you?

So, I have to deal with that.

And it’s to the point where I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.

I know I have to talk to my mom about it. I know that I can’t tell her she can’t be friends with this person. It’s not my life. I also know that if I discuss it with my mom that she’s not going to remember either. Her memory is pretty shot from various health issues. I would say something to my dad, but his memory is equally bad due to age and a severe brain injury he got before I was born.

So, now I’m left with the dread of seeing family. I don’t want to have it come up again, and say that I’m leaving and if it ever comes up again I’m going to stop coming to family things because I am hurt for her rekindling the friendship with the person who beat me.

This is not an easy situation. I know that I need to keep my boundary, but how do I do that when I’m not sure if the person I’m setting boundaries with is going to remember it?

I don’t know if there is any good answer to this.