The Long and Winding Road, pt. 11 – Which Way to Hollywood

Dealing with the abuse is starting to take it’s toll… I mean really dealing. I feel entirely emotionally drained right now. Having to actually listen to me talking about it is pretty hard.

Of course, that’s not really what I did last night. Instead I got to listen to my talk about the fact that she decided to rekindle her friendship with the same friend that beat me.

Yeah…

Now, I know that I don’t have the right to say who my mom (or anyone) is friends with, nor would I. But there’s a certain amount of hurt and betrayal that comes with it. She knows that she beat me and duct taped my mouth shut.

And I get to listen to her talk about her…

I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. It doesn’t help me any and it upsets me.

Maybe it’s time I state the boundary that I don’t want to state. I’m going to have to say that I don’t ever want to hear her talk about this person when I’m around or I’m not going to visit. I can’t go back and listen how she’s friends with someone who she knows did serious physical and mental damage to me.

Bleh, this gets easier at some point, right?

Jeannie Miyama says:

October 22, 2011 at 4:17 am

“Bleh, this gets easier at some point, right?”

Yes, if you don’t give up. It has been my experience that using a combination of different therapies has been the most helpful to me. That is not to say that after many years of therapy, I do not have my bad spells. In fact, I am in a pretty bad slump right now. But the more tools you have in your back pocket, the better equipped you are in handling past pain and future uncertainties.

I think it is very reasonable to set boundaries for yourself. I’ve had to set a similar boundary between myself and my mom regarding discussing my abusive grandfather. My grandfather has been deceased for a long time now, but even when he was here, he was never a pleasant topic of conversation for anyone. So why discuss him now? My mom happily agreed. Still, it wasn’t until I received EMDR therapy that the vivid images of my grandfather diminished. I mean, I still remember. It’s kind of like after a pet dies. For a long time, it really hurts, But then one day your hurt is not that “in-your-face” like it just happened kind of hurt. The hurt is put into storage so you can think about other things.

My most recent therapy experience was an 8 week course on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). This worked very well with many of my Buddhist beliefs. But most importantly for me, ACT finally got it through my thick skull that I can accept all of my negative thoughts and feelings without judgment, since these are just thoughts and feelings. They are not what define me. It got very deep in that group, and I left scratching my head many times, but it was wonderful. In fact, I just took a refresher class a few weeks ago.

The reality is that PTSD may likely be a lifetime issue for you. It need not be a big issue though. It’s like Diabetes. Eat well and exercise, and you may not have any bothersome symptoms, even though the disease is still there. Use the tools you will learn and I’ll be hoping that you won’t have any bothersome symptoms either.

Most importantly- keep going! And shoot me an email if you need to chat.

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