There are times where I feel completely lost as what to write. It happens more frequently that I’m comfortable with. I’m sure we all go through these moments. Where we feel at a lost about what to do when it’s something that we normally do.
For me, that means when I can’t think of what to write or I lose motivation to write, I tend to take it pretty hard. In many ways, my writing is the best way for me to communicate. I feel less awkward in my writing. I feel more confident. This is a huge difference when it comes to interpersonal communication where I feel like I never say the right thing.
In many ways, I’m infinitely grateful to be able to have my writing. It’s the one way where I can be who I really am and not be afraid what people are going to think about me. It’s actually pretty liberating. I’m not going to feel afraid of people saying downright rude and hurtful things about myself.
And perhaps that’s it. Maybe it’s because I’ve had the decades of abuse that I find a greater solace in my writing.
Of course, I’m always nervous that when I put my writing out there that someone’s not going to like it. That everyone’s going to think it’s crap. That’s a rational fear. After all, I put out the most intimate and most private thoughts better in my writing. It’s hard to have someone tell you that your experience is crap. That’s the risk everyone takes.
I have to say, the last jag I had of not being able to write really took it out of me. Of course, I was also starting a new job, adjusting to a new schedule. Adjustment can be the biggest killer to creativity.
Thankfully, lately it’s come back with a vengeance. I’ve been wanting to write more and more. I want to finish those 2 screenplays that I’ve started. I want to work on that ever increasingly misnamed short story that I’ve been working on. I want to write more original story ideas I have percolating in my head.
Maybe that’s it. I need these moments of not writing in order to become more productive. I just wish that they were more predictable in both when they come and their duration.
All I know is that I feel like I can be productive again. That is a wonderful thing.