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A moment passes after he asks the question. He already senses what the answer is. He would rather give his boyfriend the chance to answer than just make the assumption.
His boyfriend slowly nods.
He sat up again and turns his boyfriend’s head to face him. He can see the genuine looks of distress on his face. He knows in that instant, that moment all those years ago had left an indelible mark on his boyfriend’s psyche. As much as he wishes that moment had never happened, he’s left with an even more difficult obstacle to overcome. He needs to convince his boyfriend of his worth to him. That there isn’t anyone in this world that would make him want to leave his boyfriend. He had broken such an important thing. Coming back to it will require a bit of repair.
He turns his boyfriend’s face to look at him. Deep inside he feels hurt that he has to do this degree of repair. It hurts more than he could probably ever capably explain to anyone else. It’s a pain that’s borne from regret and betrayal; betrayal that he did. While he felt betrayed to find out his boyfriend was a host, he can’t imagine what it felt like for his boyfriend watching him with different girlfriends, incapable of saying how he felt, watching the object of your affection ignore your feelings.
“I’m not losing you again. I can’t imagine going through what we went through for the past few years. I haven’t decided whether I want to date your boy. If anything we will talk about it first. I want you.”, he says, holding his boyfriend’s face in his hands gently.
His boyfriend rested his head against his hands. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
He leans in closer. He can feel the heat radiating off his boyfriend’s skin. This familiar warmth, this comforting smell, these are the things that he’s longed for. It reminds him of those first awkward moments when they were first alone. All those feelings of desire, of wanting came flooding back. All he wanted was this beautiful boy in front of him.
His lips gently touch his boyfriend’s lips. The feel of his boyfriend’s lips against his, soft and engaging, made him feel deeply intoxicated. He began to kiss him deeper. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s strong shoulders, pulling him closer. If he could, he would drink every last drop of this boy. He wanted this boy so bad. Every sinew of his body began to ache for his boyfriend’s touch.
His boyfriend’s hand dropped into his lap. He could feel his boyfriend’s hand gently caress his inner thigh.
The boy sits down behind him. He can feel the boy close to his back. The boy rested his head against his bed, taking in his scent. This is the closest that the boy has been to him. His back felt so much stronger than the boy had ever imagined. The boy closed his eyes and listened to his heart. The boy dropped a hand down to take his boyfriend’s hand in his. He squeezed it tight. The boy then kissed his back, his strong back.
He rests his head against his boyfriend’s forehead.
“I know that me just telling you this isn’t enough. I know that I need to show you. I will.”, he says.
The boy moves around the couple. He sits between them. At this point, he isn’t sure if he would be considered the third wheel. His gaze moves between the two of them. He knows that there are things that they share that he could never really get between. In some ways he felt inadequate because his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s boyfriend have something that he would never have. For him, that was a mixed blessing. It meant that he could define a whole new relationship with his boyfriend. On the flip side of that coin it would be impossible to share things like his boyfriend and boyfriend’s boyfriend does. He knows that he’s the new one to this equation. It’s just a matter of waiting it out and seeing what happens, much like he’s doing to see if he can stay or not.
The boyfriend looks at him then at the boy, then back at him. He opens his mouth for a second as though he’s going to speak. He screws up his face as he realizes that he’s not sure what to say. He closes his mouth and sighs a sad sigh.