The truth was, were it not for them being discovered in the public bath during their school trip, they might have never had a break. The upper classman that found them together threatened him. Well, more him than his boyfriend. His boyfriend had nothing really left in his life. He remembered talking to him about it one drunken night after band practice.
“Why did you choose that name?”, he asked.
His boyfriend shrugged. He looked down feeling a bit ashamed.
“A-after y-you and I-I st-started g-going out t-together m-my father s-saw us t-together.”, his boyfriend says.
“Where? How?”, he asked, quite a bit shocked by hearing this.
“Y-you know that d-day we w-were lying by the r-river after K-Kendo p-practice?”, his boyfriend asks.
He nodded as he thought about that day. It came back so incredibly vividly. He could feel the grass tickle his lower back and the back of his arms. That was the day they found a generally abandoned bank to enjoy each other on. They had recklessly made out.
“M-my f-father s-saw us there w-when we w-were making o-out.”, he continued, “W-when I g-got h-home he b-beat me.”
All the blood had drained from his face. He wanted to hold this poor, broken man in front of him. No matter how badly he wanted to, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“H-he called m-me f-fag and p-pussy. H-he kept on b-beating me u-until h-he p-passed o-out.”, his boyfriend finished as he lightly kicked the ground with his toe.
“I’m… I’m so sorry.”, he responded.
He had never realized that anyone in his family had found out. He had never told him. Of course, if he had, what good would that have done.
“W-when I-I g-got the j-job at the h-host c-club, I h-had t-to ch-choose a n-nickname. G-given w-what I h-had j-just gone t-through… I-I thought i-it w-was appropriate.”, he finished.
“Is that why you still use it for the band?”, he asked, not entirely sure if he wanted to know the real reason.
“I-it’s n-not the o-only r-reason.”, his boyfriend answered.
When his boyfriend looked at him, his eyes were ringed with tears.
He couldn’t help but look away. He knew what the other reason was. He wanted to take away that lingering pain. It was causing him pain to know that he had wounded this poor creature before him. Even worse was that he wanted to hold him, to tell him that he still loved him. He knew if he did that, that there would be no turning back. He was lost thinking that he had hurt someone he still loved so deeply, but I can’t think that way, feel that way.
He started to reach out to him, but stopped himself. He shook his head.
“I’m so sorry, I had no idea that it was that bad. I didn’t know that your family knew…”, he responded with a hanged head.
“I-it’s O-OK. I-I d-didn’t w-want y-you to know. I-I didn’t w-want you t-to w-worry.”, his boyfriend said with a sad smile.
He places the back of his arm to his forehead. He becomes lost in his thought as he feels the train shudder a bit under his head.
“I can’t believe that he still wanted to be with me… even after all that.”, he thinks, “This has got to be a testament to something.”
He shrugs as he hears the name of his stop over the loudspeaker.
A big, goofy grin breaks out over his face as he exits the train. He almost staggers as if he were drunk, but that’s hardly the case. His mind is awash with the thoughts of being back in his boyfriend’s arms.
He takes a moment and sits down in the station to compose himself. He knows that he needs to control himself better. He’s still feel pretty aroused. He doesn’t want to attack his boyfriend the second that he sees him.
“Well, I’m almost back home.”, he thinks as he begins to collect his thoughts.
He wasn’t sure when he left if he could really go through with it. If he could ask her to join him on this somewhat crazy trip. Telling her exactly what was going on was a huge risk. One where he still has no idea where it might lead. He might still lose his family over this. The only person he might have left that would be close to him might wind up being his boyfriend and his lover.
And then there’s the lover. He’s not entirely sure about him. Maybe it’s an inherent distrust of gaijin. Maybe it’s the fact that the lover keeps hitting on him. He’s not sure what it is about him, but he makes him feel a bit uneasy.
(To be continued in 2 weeks)