For previous installments:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9.
Once they were at his place, he would grab his companion’s hand and quickly led him back to his room. He was grateful that his sister wasn’t home yet… or if she were, she was being very quite about it.
Once they were in his room, he would casually sit down on his bed. He told him that the reason he had wanted him over was to hear him sing. He didn’t know whether or not he could. It was a ruse anyways. He wanted him, it didn’t matter if he could sing.
When he finally heard him sing, his jaw dropped. Someone so desirable, so hot could have such a painful and beautiful voice. It was almost as though he could channel all the pain and loneliness that existed in that slight frame of his.
He could at least do what he wanted earlier. He could wrap his arms around this boy. He finally could feel what this boys skin felt like. It was soft, smooth, almost flawless. He was so overcome that he kissed him. He didn’t think about it, he just acted. He did it before he could think about it. It just felt right.
Then his mind connected the dots. He came to the realization that not only was he kissing this beautiful boy who was sitting before him, the boy wasn’t fighting back. Maybe he wanted this as badly as he did.
Nah, there’s no way that this boy could also want him. After all, men are supposed to be with women, right? My attraction to him is wrong. There’s no way…
Those thoughts started to dissipate from his head once he felt his companions arms wrap around his body.
This was how they had started, in all their awkward, teenage glory.
Thinking back to that time where it all started… it brought a smile to his face. He smiles a goofy grin as he enters the shinkansen station.
“And here we are… so many years after that. After the heartache we had to endure…”, he thinks.
He sighs a fulfilled sigh as he stands on the platform, waiting for the train. He never imagined that his life could be this way. That he could have exactly what it is he wanted back in those testosterone-drenched days of adolescence.
He suddenly remembered a familiar sensation. Just like when that upper classman found him and his boyfriend together on a school trip. He still had no idea how his parents would react to him having a relationship with a boy… a boy that he’s been close with since high school. He was sure that if they had really thought about it, that it would make sense. But now he had the concern again, will he be disowned.
However, this thought didn’t quite have the same sense of dread as it did when he was in high school. He was no longer living at home. While he had a great relationship with his family, he could never quite be honest with them.
This time another thought had entered his mind.
“You know what, I don’t care anymore. I’ve lived the life they wanted for me and I was never really happy. I always felt like something was wrong or missing. Ever since that one day…”, he thought resolutely, “I’m not going to hide this anymore. I can’t hide behind some façade marriage where I still desire to be with him as much as my wife.”
(To be continued)