For the earlier installments
“Actually, no, it’s not. But that is the most realistic thing they could do to me. They’re not exactly the most abusive parents in the world…”, he says as he sighs.
His face looks a little less sullen.
“And if they know and disapprove, I could come to terms with that at another time… and I won’t be alone because I’ll have my boyfriend.”, he thinks.
Once again, when he thinks about his boyfriend, his face brightens up. It brightens is a way that he had never experienced before. Just the action of being able to admit to himself that he can be with another boy… but not just any boy, specifically the one he’s with now. The one that he almost lost. There aren’t words enough for him to express how happy he is.
“Now, if only I could express that in public..”, he thinks, a slight frown appears on his face, “If only we could walk hand in hand down the street…”
He shakes his head.
“There’s not many places I know of that are going to be accepting of that.”, he thinks, standing up from the bench he was sitting on.
He hangs his head and sighs.
“Just remember…”, he thinks, “Just remember what you have achieved today.”
He lifts his head and looks forward. He starts his walk again. He starts his journey back home.
“Yes. That feels like home.”, he thinks as he starts to smile again.
Even when he was a child still living at home he never quite felt like he did now. When he thought back to what his life was like back at home prior to meeting him, h had always felt like something wasn’t quite right, almost like he was out of step with the rest of the world. He felt different. It was a sensation that was difficult to describe at best. He felt alone with his desires. He wanted to be in music. He wanted that more than anything in the world. He didn’t want to be a salaryman.
And then there was attraction.
This was confusing at best. All his life it was instilled in him that he had to be attracted to women and women alone. While he did have the attraction to women, he couldn’t explain why men were as equally attractive to him as well. It went against what his parents would constantly tell him. Most of his life, he managed to ignore his attraction to men. It wasn’t until high school that he could no longer ignore it.
His boyfriend used to sit in front of him in class. He spent most of his time staring at the back of his head. It was just a thought at first. He couldn’t deny how pretty this boy was. He was almost feminine in his features. There was something different and almost forbidden about him. Perhaps it was that he looked as much feminine as he did masculine. Maybe it was his mannerisms, that he tended to act fairly awkward and was quiet. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but the more he spent time with him (even if only in a class setting) the more that he wanted him.
One day, he finally got up the courage. After several months of sitting behind this beautiful boy, he finally managed to summon the courage to talk to him, to ask to spend time with him. When he responded with a yes… He was beyond thrilled. He felt as though he would float out of his seat and in to the sky. He was so ecstatic.
(To be continued in a couple of weeks)