Triggered

It’s been no secret that I’ve been working on trying to reduce my anger that lingers from abuse. It’s something that I constantly struggle with. It’s something that I’ve tried to handle for some time. Most days I can do it.

Recently I’ve been feeling triggered more. I feel more agitated and…well… angry.

I’ve had some bad relationships… abusive relationships. The longest one I was in was 2, almost 3 years long. I was completely devalued and treated like I was insane. He would intentionally goad me in public and then call me crazy.

While I can talk about it with little emotional reaction, I still have the emotional triggers. While I largely try to keep them under control and tell myself that I’m not in that situation, I find myself being triggered. Largely it seems to be a lot of issues brought up in this election. As much as it pains me to say this, we live in a time where women are overtly being minimized.

I have a hard time taking anyone seriously who thinks that women can’t get pregnant if they’re raped… or that most women aren’t legitimately raped. On the other hand, the vice presidential candidate has been recorded saying that being raped is another method of conception.

The jokes about women only being good in the kitchen…

And then there’s the fact that people think that women should be coveted and watched over. That women can’t be strong enough or self-assured enough to look after themselves. That women need entourages or chaperones.

All of these contribute to hitting the same big, red, shiny button that has a huge neon sign that says, “Do not touch!”

So, I have to pull away from those things. I have to try to control this anger. I can’t just be angry. It makes me an awful person. It doesn’t help anyone or anything. It just makes me an angry person.

I hate that women are being led to believe that they’re somehow second-class citizens again.

I’ll probably be covering more feminist issues in this week.

If anything, I want to figure out a more sustainable way to handle my anger. People aren’t going to just stop minimizing the role of women. Women can be strong, self-empowered and capable of many of the same things men are. While working on this, maybe I can exorcise some personal demons.