No matter what she did, it never felt like enough. She would try to do what she could, but it often went criticized. No matter who it was, there would be criticism, name calling… It got to the point where she would constantly be in a pit of despair.
She went from day in to day out, constantly living up to some people’s impossible expectations. She tried, but she was never pretty enough, never thin enough, never smart enough, never as good at communication as she tried to be.
She knew she wasn’t a super-person, at the same time after hearing for years that she was never going to be enough. All she could do was believe that she would never be enough. She would never be good enough for anyone. After all, if that’s all you hear, what else can you believe.
It even continued long into most personal relationships. She would always hear the same criticisms… except it’s not really criticism, is it. It’s people trying to break her down. She heard it from everyone in her family, from romantic partners and from a circle of friends that she was with.
And after her life totally fell apart, she decided to figure out why. Why did she constantly follow the same patterns? Why was she always around people who did nothing but tear her down? So, she decided that spending more time alone was better than constantly being made to feel like she was never enough.
Then she met someone who tries to convince her otherwise.
But when you’re dealing with someone that’s that broken, it’s at best an uphill battle. They’re not going to easily take on the positive when they’re entire life has been filled with negative. It’s hard to be the open and happy person they once were when you receive nothing but negative. So, it’s a slow process where there’s going to be a lot of steps back.
But it slowly breaks down the wall.
And it continues as one step forward, 2 steps back. It’s generally good, but it has its moments. So, the trail continues. Every twist and turn has both its high points and lows. Maybe at some point it won’t be so bad anymore. Criticism won’t hurt so badly anymore.
Or maybe that’s a naïve dream. All she can do is to keep traveling on. Try to depend on the strength that she’s always had to depend on. After all, the only person she can really count on is herself. Maybe she can learn to depend on others, but each day is a new challenge.
She’ll continue to try and try until she finally succeeds.