Tough Decisions

As you all know that I’ve been on moving sabbatical. We have finally moved and are somewhat settled in to the new place. We’re still partially living out of boxes right now, but hopefully that will be remedied in the next month or so.

However, in the month time that I have been off a lot has happened besides moving.

I’ve had to make some rather tough decisions. They are things that I didn’t necessarily want to do. In the long run they are things that needed to be done.

The first tough decision is that I had to put someone on hold. The relationship had obviously not been functioning for a year. And a large part of that is that I could not trust the individual to be honest or completely communicate with me. Now, this might sound rather trite or what have you, but communication is the most important thing in a relationship. If it doesn’t look like someone is capable of decent communication, especially not open and honest communication, when another partner has been then I think it’s fair to put things on pause. At this rate, to be honest, I don’t see things lasting much longer as it’s an impasse where I keep re-stating my issues and I keep being told that I’m some awful person. Or rather, that’s how it feels to me. I could be wrong on this, but that doesn’t matter. This is about my impressions and thoughts.

And honestly, I don’t have the mental stamina anymore to deal with people who just want to tell me that I’m an awful person. I dealt with that for a good many years. I’m not at that place in my life anymore. If it’s time to move on, than so be it. I can deal with moving on. I can’t deal with someone who wants to constantly pick me apart. I don’t deserve that in my life. No one does.

The second tough decision I made is one that I’m still reeling from. It wasn’t the preferable decision to make, but it was the responsible decision to make.

Me and my significant other had purchased our tickets to go to Burning Man this year. I had been looking forward to it. We were planning on doing a lot of volunteering this year. We were going to be really involved in the community. Then I lost 2 jobs, both because I was sick. That was a ding to us going, but not insurmountable. As time has gone on, I’ve decided that I would want to put more emphasis on my writing career. I need to network in the film industry. Unfortunately, there isn’t many opportunities in Northern California for screenwriters. So, if I want to network and get my name out there as a writer, I need to go where the film industry people are going to be.

Burning Man is not where they are.

I’ve been keeping an eye on industry papers (Hollywood Reporter and Variety) and almost every day there was at least one article about Comic Con. It’s become more apparent to me that if I want to become a screenwriter that’s going to be taken seriously in Hollywood, and more importantly a new writer who can sell, that I was going to have to put my career first.

So, I’m taking a gamble. We sold our tickets for Burning Man this year and are going to be in the crush to get 4 Day passes for Comic Con next year. I realize that this is a gamble as Comic Con sold out quickly last year. I think that if I can actually get out there and network and get my card in a lot of Hollywood hands that the word will be out there.

I want to be a screenwriter. It may not necessarily be as a living, but I think that I have a unique enough voice and the talent to make it.

Of course, this means that if we manage to get the passes and hotels for Comic Con, we’re not going to be able to go to Burning Man for 2 years. That does hurt, but at some point you have to put chasing your dreams over a week of fun in the desert.

This past month has been rough. I wish that this would be just this month. For some reason it feels like this might be the culmination of everything. At least that’s the thought. Life can’t always be that rough, can it?